Scary Stuff

People often tell me that I am brave.  They also call me fearless.  These two descriptors really amaze me, because I don't see either of these things in myself very often.  I think I get called this because I don't mind asking questions of people (like Wal-Mart employees), because I'll fly across the country to go to school, or because I'll take a nap at an interstate rest stop (maybe this last one is a little bold).  None of these things make me fearless though.  I am, in fact quite the opposite in so many, very important, areas of my life. 

At the risk of sounding like an emotional basket case, I thought I'd type out my biggest fears (in no particular order, of course).  The reason??  I really have no idea -- I guess I just wanted to dispell this baffling myth.

• I'm afraid that I'll be thought of as unintelligent.  This one is petty, but one of the decently large fears that I have.  I have this self worth issue that ties into me being bright enough, witty enough, eloquent enough...
• I'm afraid that I'm not good enough at any one thing to ever be thought of as an expert at anything, and by extention, a complete loser.  This kinda paralyzes me from seriously pursuing a lot of things.
• I'm afraid of commitment -- as is clearly evidenced in previous entries.
• I am petrified of men -- all of them.  It's a completely irrational fear, I know, but I have this hang up that no guy could never be interested in me, because I am not my perception of what they want.  I also have trust issues - some of the male role models in my life let me down so many times, that I unfairly think that every man will do the same. (don't send me an email letting me know how silly this one is -- I know it's silly, and truly am trying to work on it) 
• I'm afraid of heights - ferris wheels in particular.
• I'm afraid of confrontation.  I just hate it with all of my being, and avoid it at nearly all costs.
• I'm afriad of horses.  Acutally, not the horses themselves, just me on one -- it sends chills down my spine.

That's enough of the idiotic list though.  As I am typing this, I keep thinking of the "perfect love casts out fear" verse.  Though I know that the context doesn't exactly fit what I'm talking about here, it does make me consider that if my being is consumed with loving others, then all of these bullet points become peripheral, and simply fall away, allowing love to replace my silly fears.